GOSPEL MESSAGE & RECORDING
In BBC’s virtual newsletter, called Future, author William Park wrote “Those we surround ourselves with have the power to make us fatter, drink more alcohol, care less about the environment and be riskier with sun protection, among many things.” (May 20, 2019) This article pointed out how our friends can be effective influencers in our decision-making in almost all keys areas of life, like health, career, family life, etc. The idea is quite simple: those whom we hang out with play a major in the positive and negative outcomes of our life. This is not to negate the responsibility that a person has in making decisions for oneself, as though one is helpless in the midst of friends; but it is to point out that such a human need—friendship—relationships—play a vital role in a person’s life successes and failures.
The Apostle St. Paul makes a very poignant statement in his first letter to the Corinthians, chapter 5, “I wrote to you in my epistle not to keep company with sexually immoral people of this world” (ver. 9). He goes on to list the types of immoral people that we are not to associate with, “sexually immoral, covetous, extortioners, or idolaters…” (ver. 10) In the Gospels, we see Jesus visiting and evening eating with such people, yet here, we read the Apostle St. Paul tells us not to eat with them (vr.11) Read in the wrong context, we might have a tendency, as some Christians already do, to advocate for a puritanical and separatist view that the Church should be a place for people who are living a so-called devout and pure life. But that is not the truth! St. John the Golden Mouth says “the Church is a hospital for sinners.” St. Paul is attempting to teach us that we are not to be influenced by such people in our friendships with them. The Apostle speaks in the context of “friendship” not “witnessing the Gospel” as was the case when Christ ate with sinners. Further, St. Paul is speaking of the context when others influence us negatively, rather than us influencing them positively. That is, we being Christians, become influenced, rather than influencing others.Sure, we have sin in our life. ALL of us do! We have ALL have done things that we are ashamed of. But at the same time, are we allowing the people in our lives to make us better or worse. For example, if we have a drinking problem, hanging out with people who drink consistently is not a good plan to maintain sobriety. If we have weaknesses in our sexual behavior, it is probably not a good idea to hang out with people who talk about sexual things without constraint. This does not mean, however, that we become snobby, and expect our friends to have all their I's dotted and t's crossed. No one is perfect! Some of the best friends we could have are people who are well balanced and not too fundamentalistic in their approach to religion, politics, etc. So, then what is it? Is there a blueprint for this?
Here are some quick suggestions:
Embrace quality, not quantity: In Psychology Today, Andrea Bonior, Ph.D., speaking about Facebook “friends” writes, “And research suggests we may be lonelier now despite having more “friends” than before.” The point here is that the superficial facade of everyone’s life of Facebook is not the standard-bearer for friendships. It is not in how many friends we have, but in how good our friends are. Friendship is all about quality, that is, there is a meaningful impact that that friendship provides in our life. So, cultivate such friendships, even during COVID-19 by possibly social distancing and going for a walk or a run, talking on the phone, video chatting, etc.
Mentor: In Proverbs, chapter 27, it says, “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” (ver. 17) The writer is talking about how one person can help shape the life of another person. I see this in the context of mentorship. As Christians, and as people who are working in this global and complex society, we need a mentor that can motivate us and provide guidance and suggestions in decision-making. Mentors are typically more experienced and older. They will take out time to speak with us and constructively offer critiques. Mentors guide the mentee to make decisions for themselves by providing insight and knowledge.
Marriage and friendship: Ultimately, our spouse is our “best” friend. However, friendships that help and promote a “healthy” family life are essential. We need a place outside of marriage that we can go to (of the same gender) that we can relax and enjoy fellowship. This is not some sort of “party” but a place where friends will support us by listening and providing meaningful feedback that will aid us in all aspects life in a positive way. Finally, good friends provide “constructive feedback” and “options,” rather than telling us what to do.