GOSPEL MESSAGE & RECORDING
The Apostle Paul admonishes us today as parents. He writes in Colossians 3:21, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger.” What does he exactly mean? What is St. Paul attempting to tell us? And is it relevant for us today?
First, we must look at the previous verses to realize that St. Paul is not only instructing the fathers but the whole family. In Colossians 3: 18-21, he instructs the wives to be submissive to their husbands, and husbands to love their wives. Children obey their parents. And, finally, fathers do not provoke their children so that they become discouraged. I want to focus on the last verse, vr. 21, but not lose sight of the fact that it is part and parcel of a bigger picture--the whole family. Second, in our modern context it might be odd that St. Paul is only referring to the fathers in vr. 21 and not the mothers. Contextually, St. Paul is correct. Fathers during his time were very much in charge of the affairs of the family. Father took the lead role in guiding and bringing up the children. Decisions about the children were ultimately made by the father. Of course, there could have been exceptions, but they were few. In our 21st century context, the admonition to the father would also apply to the mother because in many ways there is an equal participation by both father and mother in earning income, raising children and making decisions. So, in terms of our context we can rightly say that fathers and mothers should not provoke their children, lest they become discouraged.
I must say that neither I nor anyone here is perfect. We are all working on being the best that we can be as a father, mother, husband and wife. Nonetheless, this doesn’t mean we cannot reflect on how we can become better. Here are a few ways that everyone here can become a better parent and possibly not discourage our children:
Be an encouragement: I don’t find this to be the norm among adults these days. In fact, I am often experiencing the opposite--discouragement. We are so used to putting others down and getting the last word, especially because of social media and its ability to communicate without talking or seeing. No one is immune to it. We have all dabbled in these works and involved in our free share of discouraging others. This has also, unfortunately, translated into our families. We sort of see our families as a Facebook page or Instagram. Family is flesh and blood. Each person in that family needs to be encouraged and feel a sense of love that they cannot get anywhere else. If we don’t express that encouragement and love in our homes, more often than not spouses and children will find it somewhere else.
Find out what your child is good at and encourage them in that area. It’s ok to exaggerate your love and show off your feelings of encouragement. As a teacher I have never-ever come across a child who said I was overly encouraging or too nice. Children need that.
Encouraging and showing love doesn’t mean we become unrealistic in our approach to discipline and setting down rules. As a teacher, I have come to know one thing: children want rules and routines. They don’t like it when anything goes. They are extremely aware of the fact that rules and boundaries that are set mean that they are loved and cared for. Lack of rules and boundaries for children translates into “they don’t care about me.”
Don’t nit-pick about everything. There are things in the bigger picture that must be addressed and if we cling onto the little things our energy will go towards issues that are not significant to a child’s well-being; and when there are issues that are directly connect to a child’s well-being, at that time the child will be discouraged and we will be exhausted. So, don’t sweat the little stuff!
Opportunity: in the teaching world, us teachers have something called the “choice board.” It’s good to provide choices to children when necessary, allowing them to grow and mature. A “do this” and “do that” mentality is appropriate for some things but not everything. The balance seems to be in providing opportunities for our children to grow in faith, education, talents and community. We need to provide ample opportunities for our children to experience their faith, talents and community. I have often found in my experience as a pastor that we as a faith community provide opportunities for our children to join educational and community-based programs, impressing on them ideas and thoughts that direct them toward their academic and social goals. But do we find ourselves providing spiritual based opportunities for our children on a consistent basis on an equal footing along with the other academic and social opportunities? I think the answer might lean more toward the academic and social aspects. If so, then we have to reevaluate what is best for our children. Children look toward us to provide opportunities. They will be excited and open minded to spiritual growth and activities if we provide those opportunities.